woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
