I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
