I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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