When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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