Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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