oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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