I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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