Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
