It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
