Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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