My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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