You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
