And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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