I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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