No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize