I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
