i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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