Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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