i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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