I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
