well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
