just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
