Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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