he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
