I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
