Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
