i jhust puked up my retainher.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
