You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
