We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
