A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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