She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize