You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
