$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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