1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize