i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
