I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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