I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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