imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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