...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
