Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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