Can Purell be used as lube?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
