how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
