Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize