Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize