No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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