I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
