I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
