OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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