if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
