so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
