Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
