i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
