I must be too annoying 4 u.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
