Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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