Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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