Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
