man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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