So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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