It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
