You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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