He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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