I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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