i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
