Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
