Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
