so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
