once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
