watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize