$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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