Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
