So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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