member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
