Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
