I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
