You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
