I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
