Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
