When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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