Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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