i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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