I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
