it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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