I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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