Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
