dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
