i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
