Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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